As you may have noticed by my last post (sometime in August), my blogging came to a screeching halt after losing a cherished loved one so suddenly in July. These past few months I’ve been concentrating on mourning a devastating loss, starting the healing process, and trying to be as supportive and loving as I can to my partner as he deals with the loss of a parent.
It’s funny – a lot of people have said to me that “every day gets better.” But in fact, I’ve learned that it couldn’t be farther from the truth.
From what I’ve been experiencing, the process of loss and healing is more like a roller coaster. It takes you up and down and spins you around so you don’t know which way is up. It scares and confuses you. Every day is indeed different, but not necessarily better, although not always worse. Instead of adrenaline, it’s questions and “what-ifs” that pulse through your veins. Sometimes you get accustomed to it to the point of numbness, which makes the moment of jagged and painful clarity that much harder.
I've been using photography as a way of reflecting and healing. I took this photo when I was at lunch with a dear friend at Quail's Gate Winery.
I’m learning that it’s important to focus on the life lived and the love shared between you and a dearly departed loved one.
And I realize that I need to take care of myself in the process. Since the loss, I have worked hard to stay socially engaged – my amazing friends have been such a blessing in this hard time. I continued to pursue my activities – dragonboating, softball, choir.
But the one thing I’ve had a harder time picking up is my blog, for a variety of reasons. But mainly, I think it’s because I’ve continued to make all of my favourite (and my boyfriend’s favourite) comfort foods, most of which are already featured in this blog.
But I’m going to start experimenting again, as I’ve learned delicately crafted dishes and the process of cooking can be equally cathartic and therapeutic.
In fact, this week I’m going to try a first – roasting a chicken. I know it sounds basic, but I’ve always had a funny aversion to meat bones. I never even liked chicken wings for this reason! This is especially crazy for someone who calls herself a food blogger, I know! So this week, I’ll be cooking up a bird all by myself and I’m crossing my fingers it turns out delicious.. and fully cooked!
At this point, I will be taking suggestions for recipes!
And I want to say thank you to all of you who have commented or sent me notes over these past few months – that really means a lot to me. So this is me, giving you, a warm, heartfelt, albeit virtual, hug. Thank you.