Although I’ve always known I wasn’t quite “normal”, (ha! No one has ever called me “normal”!), I haven’t felt “myself”, for a long time. I lost my zest for life and my energy levels slowly declined starting back in my late teens. There were probably a number factors involved, not just development of Celiac disease (and I guess, who knows how long I’ve had it!), including depression. I know my depression was partly hereditary, but maybe my body fighting gluten and losing the battle also had something to do with it.
I started reading a new blog called Celiac Teen, and wow, is this girl wise beyond here years! And she has such a bright
outlook towards her life with Celiac, what an inspiration! I just read her new post, “A Reintroduction” in which she described how active she was before she started feeling sick. And in turn, now that she’s starting to feel more energetic, how she’s making a plan to slowly reintroduce exercise back into her life.
It was really touching to me because I went through the exact same thing and actually feel guilty for not excising for the last say, five or ten years! I had times where I attempted to exercise, but part of not feeling “myself”, was definitely due to my lack of energy. If you would have seen me in high school or when I was a kid, you would know that I was FULL of energy! I tried every sport I could and was always running around, climbing on something or being generally mischievous. In high school I was co-captain of the cheer leading team and a star runner in my school’s track and field team.
Fast forward ten years and no one would guess (not even my boyfriend of almost four years), that I once once a lively, active and energetic person.
I tell myself that I shouldn’t feel guilty, because Celiac robbed my of nutrition for so long and it isn’t an easy road to recovery. But I do know that I need to push myself to try. I’ve been on a gluten free diet for about 9 months now, and there have been major improvements. But I’m still so low on energy that all I can manage to do is get up an go to work (and this is VERY hard for me to do even though I like my job), and come home, make supper (this is an improvement!) watch some tv and go to bed. I don’t see my friends nearly enough and I never “feel” like going out. But I do want the “old MaryBeth” back.
I refuse to make exercise a New Year’s resolution, because I’ve done this for years now and it never works. Instead, I’m going to make the goal to: take care of myself, continue to learn how to cook, make time for friends and hobbies, learn to appreciate life more, and slowly incorporate fitness and activity back into my life. That’s not my official New Year’s “goal” list. Just the start. It’s time to become me again!